Hello Again + RE Lesson Plans

Hello again world!   I know what you are thinking.  Who does this blogger think she is, disappearing off the face of the world-wide-web and then coming back like it’s no big thing?

I know.

I’ve been bad.  Married life has surprisingly been busier than I thought.  And I have no more excuses as a bride-to-be to get away with being airheaded and unfocused at work.

However, I have been working.  I’ve been cooking.  I’ve been volunteering.  I’ve been learning new skills like crazy.  (I own a bow now.  Yes, the hunting kind.  Just call me Katniss.)  And I’ve been thinking…Why am I not sharing these things with the blogger-world?

Recently, Austin and I have resumed teaching our 7^th grade RE (Religious Education) class at St. Francis Xavier church.  We taught the class last year but – since I was an overwhelmed JCPS teacher with five preps – I’ll be honest in that I didn’t put as much thought into teaching Faith Formation as I should have.  I read with the students out of the textbooks, taught them how to open a Bible, and led some pretty interesting discussions thanks to our class skeptic (there’s one in every crowd).  I played games and provided crafts (lesson learned from the Christmas Ornament Disaster of 2011: glitter, glue, and 7^th graders DO NOT MIX).  Overall I tried my best to make RE fun and educational… but I still felt like I fell short to my own standards.

You see, my biggest disappointment with my own Catholic school upbringing is the lack of faith development that existed in the classroom.  We had “Religion Class” a few times a week in grade school.  In high school we had Theology class electives (memories include watching Rudy and Jesus Christ Superstar.)  We prepared for the Catholic sacraments like First Communion and Confirmation… which – in my memory – meant picking out a new dress for the ceremonies.  But I was really never introduced to God the Father, Jesus my Savior, and the Holy Spirit my guide until the later years of high school.  By a (non-Catholic, *gasp!*) ex-boyfriend at that!

I remember feeling a little cheated.  And, for a while, pretty bitter towards the Catholic Church and Catholic Education for not making me see how important and exciting our faith in Christ is.

While I church-hopped to about every Christian denomination from 2004-2010, my mother encouraged me “not to throw the baby out with the bathwater” when it comes to the Catholic Church.  (One of her spiritual gifts is speaking in metaphoric tongues.)  I rolled my eyes, knowing she was at least partially right – there are a LOT of things I love and respect when it comes to the Catholic Church.  But, like any community of human beings, it’s far from perfect.  I suspect no church here on earth is perfect.  In her opinion, dismissing my life-long heritage (being Catholic is a huge percent family tradition) due to a short (medium-to-long) list of frustrations is cowardly.   She’d end the discussion by saying “be the change you wish to see in the Church”.  And then she’d leave the decision up to me.

I found it easier to fit in with an already-established vibrant faith community than to call my own denomination to rival. So I joined Southeast Christian Church (where I was baptized – round 2) and volunteered as a teacher for their 7^th grade small-groups.

However, God led me back to the Catholic Church through my husband.  His parish – now our parish – scores pretty high on my satisfaction-scale, honestly.  I’m impressed and encourage by the amount of time and energy invested in Adult and Youth faith formation at St. Francis Xavier.  We’ve had a few different priests in the year and a half I’ve been a member, but I am super excited about our newest appointed priest (who promises he is here to stay for awhile).  I’m looking forward to getting involved in some of the Adult Faith Formation and Women’s groups… and possibly even starting up a Couples group to study the Biblical model of marriage.  I’m excited!

For now, though, it’s back to teaching 7^th grade RE.  I’m incorporating ideas from the curriculum used at Southeast Christian Church with the This Is Our Faith Catholic Education Curriculum.   My goal is to lead students to know God through prayer, reading and understanding God’s Word (the Bible), and have a fun time a fellowship with our group.

For the benefit of any other middle school youth group leaders and catechists (Catholic fancy-word for Religion teacher) out there, I’ve decided to post the lesson plans on my blog.

It’s partially a selfish endeavor – in case I teach 7^th grade again next year, I’ll have lessons for the whole year!  But it’s mostly selfless.  Teaching faith is hard!  Teaching middle school is hard.  And – no matter how well-written a textbook is – middle school students do NOT retain much of what they read (~20%) or what they hear a teacher say (~10%).  Therefore, being prepared with engaging lessons could be the key to unlocking a few of the mysteries of faith for our next generation.

One final note:  As a former public school teacher, I lived by the law of the profession – Beg.  Borrow.  Steal.  Survive.  I do NOT take credit for most of what is written.  I will do my best to give credit where credit is due and link to original sources when possible.

Follow link to RE Lesson Plans.

Coolest Wedding Present Ever.

A few days ago, my mother in law texted me to say that she accidentally opened one of our wedding presents that was sent to her house.  (Been married 10 days and gifts are still rollin in – Yeah!)  In the midst of all the pre-wedding excitement, I’d forgotten to let her know that I’d given one of my cousins – who was paranoid that the gift would be delivered during our honeymoon and then stolen off our front porch – Austin’s parent’s address as an alternative shipping address.  Oops.

Her only comment was – “You’re gonna love it!”

Anyway, yesterday Austin stopped by their house and picked up the package.  He brought it home and together we unwrapped The.  Coolest.  Wedding present.  Ever.

How stinking cute!?

Thank you Kristin, KR, Shannon, Blake, Evan and Megan!!!  (My cousins – and their spouses – ROCK!)

So, now I’m toying with the idea of changing the blog’s name in general… after all, we are a “we’ now.  Planted together forever (muahaha).

Either way – after my month-long writing sebatical – I have definitely been inspired to step it up.

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Closing words from Paul – who reveals the secret to being truly ‘happy where you’re planted’:

Philippians 4:11-13  (NIV)

^“I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.  I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”

Not a Fan

Alright, first off, my apologies to my loyal readers for being an awful blogger over the last few weeks.  As much as I love blogging, and keeping the world entertained by my thrilling life, I’ve been a tad bit preoccupied by the crazy wonderful things in life of which I would usually write about.

For example, in 30 days – yes, just one month – I will be marrying the love of my life and officially becoming his Mrs. B forever.  As you might expect, due to our massive families, we are having quite the party to celebrate our union.  So, please forgive me for choosing to fold wedding programs, fill mason jar wedding favors with goodies, tally RSVPs, try my very best to exercise each day, and obsessive-compulsively check our wedding registry instead of blog as faithfully as I should.  I’m sorry.

But, I do love you enough to give you a recommendation list of worthwhile reads if the blog updates to Happy Where You’re Planted fail to satisfy your itch (as I’m sure they will).

I’ve spent the last couple weekends traveling across Indiana – to share in the wedding celebration of one of my sorority sisters, Mary (a stunning bride!), and to joyfully sit through the 2-hour Purdue graduation ceremony of my sister Kara (B.S., Biomedical Engineering) who took one giant leap for blondes everywhere as she stepped across the stage of Elliott Hall, graduating with distinction from one of the top programs in the country.  Atta girl!

Lucky for me (and the other cars on the road), I got to ride in the passenger seat (and/or backseat) during the lovely 4+ hour car trips both weekends.  And, since I have been blessed with a stable stomach that has never known motion-sickness, I took the opportunity to catch up on some reading.

Life has been a little dull since I finished The Hunger Games trilogy last month.  I have genuinely feared that any fiction novel I read will leave me disappointed and unimpressed, so I haven’t attempted to start any new fiction books yet (recommendations, anyone?).

However, my true love when it comes to reading isn’t the “best-seller novels” section of the bookstore, anyway.  Instead, it is the collection of shelves that – depending on your bookstore – are labeled “self-help” or “women’s interest” or “inspirational”.  I prefer either of the latter.

When I did my most recent spontaneous book shopping at Lifeway Christian Bookstore (I came to find a gift for someone else, and left with three books for myself – typical), I first drifted to the section labeled “Marriage”.  Oh boy, oh boy!   With a ring on my finger, I felt it was acceptable to be searching through the titles, curiously reading the backs of the books with eye-catching titles like “Have a New Husband by Friday” [out of sheer curiosity only, obviously] and “Red Hot Monogamy” [I’m going back for this book later].  To my disappointment (and slight embarrassment), I realized I’ve read literally 50% of the selection in this category, including but not limited to the following titles:

• The Five Love Languages (classic)
• The Love Dare (life changing)
• Love and Respect (absolute truth)
• His Needs, Her Needs (I believe this is the book that was part of the Religious Ed teaching ultimatum I mentioned last week.)
• Things I’d Wish I’d Known before We Got Married (great for the newly engaged)
• For Women Only: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men (eye-opening!)
• Boy Meets Girl (from the Author of “I Kissed Dating Goodbye”, great read)

  …and more.

So what was left to purchase from this section?  I bought this book.

Yep, not kidding.  I sure did.  And I made sure to tell the woman and the checkout counter that I was in fact getting married in five weeks.  [Very smoothly, of course.  She stumbled over pronouncing my last name – who doesn’t? – and I jumped at this God-given opportunity to say  “Just a few more weeks with this last name for me!”  Translation: “Please, don’t judge me for buying my first ever sex book!”]

So far, it’s been a good read.  Highly recommended to all my “good girls” and “good girl wannabes” and even “bad girls with a good heart” out there.  It’s about sex the way God intended instead of sex the way our culture has defined it.  I might start frequenting the sex-section of the Christian book store more often.  Once I have the wedding band…

I also bought this book.

Austin rolled his eyes when he saw it (not exactly the same reaction he had to the Good Girl’s Guide).  I haven’t started it yet, and maybe I never will. [Yes, I’m one of those people with a stack of neglected books just waiting to be held and loved and have their words appreciated.]

But you have to come from a divorced family to appreciate a book with this title (obviously).  Because even though this marriage thing might seem like a no-brainer to some people, I’m glad somebody wrote a book for people like me that – as much as they hate to admit it – really aren’t 100% sure they won’t screw it up.  I don’t fear a lot of things, but that probably ranks #1 on my greatest fears list.  Much higher than death, and even higher than losing-my-spouse-to-death-before-my-own-death.   Mess-up-my-marriage is definitely number one.

After picking up these two books from the Marriage section, I was heading to the check-out counter, when a familiar title caught my eye over in the New Releases area.

Not A Fan.

Those outside of the Louisville area, and those inside the Louisville area but outside of the Mega-Church domain, might not understand the impact of those words.  So let me explain.

“Not A Fan” began as sermon series at Southeast Christian Church (aka “Six Flags over Jesus”).  Kyle Idleman, one of the preachers at this church, boldly stepped away from the comfortable “feel good” message that we hear too often in our churches (from the good-hearted pastors that genuinely want more people to come to and stay in church) and –finally- told his congregation what it really means to be a follower of Jesus.  And challenged them to reconsider what they called themselves.

Turns out, it’s not the bumper sticker on your car that makes you a follower.  It’s not the “religious views” section of your Facebook profile.  It’s not how beautifully you can construct a prayer on the spot, or how quickly you can rattle off the Our Father during a Rosary.  It’s not the positive, encouraging radio station you listen to.   It’s not your political party.  It’s not your worship-song ringtone.  It’s not your family tradition or denomination or the private Christian school you attended growing up.

Jesus had a lot of fans, back in his day.  And today, he has a lot of them as well.  But how many of his fans – those who say “yep, I’m a Christian, see my cross necklace?” – really follow him in the way he instructs in the Scriptures?

Jesus’s teachings were hard.  Radical.  But he – the Son of God, our Savior – said to “…follow me”.

It’s the way of life that he calls us to (the “…” before “follow me”) that is the hard part.   It is what separates the fans from followers.  Because, history shows, Jesus doesn’t say “lead a comfortable life and follow me”.   Or “everyone will like you, if you follow me”.  Or “everything I ask you to do will make perfect sense, if you follow me”.   Or “bad things won’t happen to you when you follow me.”

Quite the opposite.

I heard the sermon, which became a movement [ http://www.notafan.com ], online for the first time back in 2009 or 2010… sometime before Austin and I started dating.  The message resonated such truth with me that I bought a “Not a Fan” T-shirt.

Further proof that I am still suffering from “fandom”.

Over the last few years, since I’ve left Southeast Christian Church for our current Catholic Church home [which is about 0.01% the size of Southeast], I’ve kept up with Kyle’s sermons – as well as Dave Stone’s, the other pastor.

The messages are Biblical truth.  They resonate with the Holy Spirit.  They almost always make me laugh at one point.  Yet, they never fail to convict me in areas where I am dangerously comfortable in my sinful habits.  And, they always bring me to Jesus.  Isn’t that what Church is all about?   All that to say that I highly, highly, highly recommend the Southeast Christian Church Podcasts.

I work out to them all the time.  In fact, I got so wrapped up in a sermon last week that I ran 5 miles when I only planned on running 3.  [“The Story Act 3: From Shepherd to King” basically restated my feelings from the blog post I had written the day before titled “How did I get here?”.   And it had me thinking about some pretty interesting possible paths that God might be training me for right now.]

Anyway, if you read one book in the next four weeks as you wait patiently for me to blog about my Redneck Wedding…read Not a Fan.

You won’t regret it.  It’s funny (Kyle has my kind of humor – clean, a little corny – the kind where you are rolling your eyes but smiling at the same time), but it’s also powerful.  It will repaint the picture in your mind of what the Christian life should be.

And – if you aren’t a reader, or have no interest in buying a book – try listening to the sermons.

….

….

….I just spent about 30 minutes searching for the original sermon (which I thought was about a half hour of awesome teaching) online… nowhere to be found.  However, since the release of the Not A Fan Sermon Series, which is being used across the country, there are 10-minute video clips on You Tube that are great as well!  Just look up “Not a Fan” on YouTube and start watching.  Kind of reminds me of Rob Bell’s Nooma videos we used to watch at Bible Study in college.  [Oh, the memories… while you are at it look those up next!!!]

….

….

Here, I found my favorite Rob Bell video from my college years:  Rain

Hopefully that will be enough to keep you entertained!

All my love,

Lauren

How did I get here?

Austin and I are wrapping up our first year of teaching 7^th grade Religious Education at our church.  It’s been an adventure for both of us.  Austin didn’t exactly volunteer for this gig through his own free will, but rather through a little begging, bribery and – if I remember correctly – an ultimatum.  [This was back in a time when I was not a Healthy Marriage and Relationships instructor, so I could get away with using such relationship no-nos.]   What was the ultimatum?  “Babe, will you please read this book I just bought with me?  We can read and discuss each chapter.  It would be so fun… What, No?!   Fine, I’ll let you choose between that and teaching RE with me all year.”  Let it be known, my man does NOT like to read.  

For Austin, teaching RE with me has given him a glimpse into the life of a middle school teacher.  [You know, if the life of a teacher meant teaching one hour per week and the students were all well behaved church-kids…although, we’ve learned, even the best behaved middle schoolers are still a little crazy].  Mostly the year has consisted of me doing the planning, teaching, and coming up with fun games related to the content…and Austin taking care of the classroom management (which, unlike in the JCPS middle school in which I worked for three years, consists of a simple stern look and a “stop that”… to which the students actually reply, “I’m sorry”.  It’s crazy.) 

For me, teaching RE has been a way to use my talents to give back to a church that has welcomed me into the parish family.  Austin and I both come from families that are actively involved in the Catholic Church, so it’s never been a question of if we will serve in our church…it’s just a matter of how.  [And, for the record, I should be cautious when volunteering Austin to teach Religious Ed. with me.  Soon he will volunteer me to be part of a “grasshopper team” with him –a crew that maintains the church’s lawn and landscape.  Which, my mother can tell you, is not my one of my God-given gifts…]

Austin and I do our best to influence our 24 crazy kiddos in a positive way.  We let them ask questions, although we rarely have doctrine-approved answers.  Our main goal is to help them understand that God is alive and is actively involved in their lives.  That praying is a two-way conversation that involves us listening and being open to hearing God’s call for us, whatever that may be.

Now, that is a tricky thing to teach.  Especially because I don’t know how well I’ve done the whole “listening” and “hearing” part throughout my life.  Some people swear they do, but I’ve never gotten an audible response from God when I pray (which is what the kids expect when we tell them to “listen”).  However, I feel confident that – even through the times when my moral compass wasn’t pointing due north – God really has been guiding my life and teaching me where to go and what to do through each experience he puts in front of me.

The other day, I got caught up in thinking – as I often do – How did I get here?  An almost-married Kentuckian (since Renee called me out on picking up the accent, I might as well claim the state) with Bachelor’s in Neurobiology and a Master’s in teaching middle school science, but who recently accepted a job as a Healthy Marriage Instructor.  What?

I mentally traced the highlights of my life thus far – both the good and the bad of my childhood and adolescence, all of the struggles and mistakes of my early twenties, and each of my jobs – from waitressing to teaching middle school – and I could really see that, YES, God’s hand has guided me here…he has been shaping me to be the person I am today.

And that is pretty cool.

–          My parent’s divorce gave me a passion for learning what makes a marriage great and what habits destroy a relationship.  I went on to read most of any bookstore’s relationship self-help selection, collecting books both written for singles and married folk (starting when I was in high school, long before I met Austin!).  It was really just a hobby… but when I read a job posting for a “Healthy Marriage and Relationships Program Instructor” I had to apply!  Because this is the type of thing I am designed for!

–          Is there anything that teaching Science and Health at Stuart Middle School didn’t teach me?  The influence of parents (or lack-there-of), the horrors of what children today call “lunch” (one full size bag of Hot Fries + Mountain Dew = lunch), the sickening bullying that a teacher has limited control over without parental and administrative back-up, the understanding of love and sex from a middle school perspective.  The mess of the public education system in general.  Sheesh.  Mostly it taught me about myself and my abilities – that I am a good teacher, but I lack the capability of leaving work at work (can any teacher successfully do that?).  That, seriously, I can handle anything.  Nothing scares me now.  Nothing.  Any task you give me now seems trivial if it doesn’t involve 30 eighth graders.  And all my years teaching were not in vain… I now can use those presentation, organization, and planning skills (and even the fun games) with adults in my new job.   And I can continue teaching middle school (those grades no other volunteers want to be ‘stuck with’) at my church.  Because – one night I week – I love that crazy age group and wouldn’t trade 7th grade for any other grade.  Perfect.  Funny how God trained me for that.

–          Also, my experience teaching at-risk middle schoolers from low-income families – and currently working with many unemployed clients – gave me a heart for poverty and the disadvantaged… and taught me to be content with what I have.  What I call having “just a little” is so many people’s “a lot”.

Not to mention those after-school and summer jobs I had in high school and college.  They didn’t put much in the bank, but they paid in life-lessons much more than I realized at the time:

–          Working at TCBY in Eastland Mall during the Christmas season has forever given me patience and pity for workers during holiday shopping.

–          Waitressing at Logan’s Roadhouse taught me the importance of a good tip.  And, that you can’t cry over spilled salad dressing…even when you accidentally splatter it all over a guest.  And, perhaps most enlightening, that someone has to sweep up all the peanut shells on the floor at Logan’s each night.

–          Slicing the heads off of laboratory mice and freezing their internal organs to be tested later… that summer unpaid volunteer position in a USI research lab taught me I wasn’t going to use my Biology degree to do medical research after all.  But, it built my tolerance high enough to handle gutting and cleaning (okay, observing the gutting and cleaning of) the animals Austin brings home from the hunt.

It all makes me smile.  Because – although I was oblivious to it – God has had plans for me throughout the journey I call “my life”.  Of course, He’s led me to accomplish great things (or at least I’d like to think so) along the way, but – as long as I’m still living – He is still teaching me and using me for his purpose.

And so, as we wrap up our last unit on Vocations, I am trying to convey this message to our 7^th graders – although there is no way for them to truly understand and believe it until they can look back on their own lives:  God truly knows what He’s doing.  Take faith.  Bad things happen in our lives – they definitely do, because this is not a perfect world.  But even when life is just plain hard, God loves you and is growing you to be a strong, compassionate person.  And – if you let him – God will use both the good and the bad experiences to shape you into the person He will use to accomplish great things.  He made you for a purpose, and He will show you what that purpose is.  Follow Him. Trust Him.

My life-so-far is a testimony to that.  There is a thrill and excitement that comes from going where God leads… walking through doors that I trust have been opened by Him.  My life really doesn’t look that exciting from the outside, I know this – even when I try and spice it up with humor to make for good blog reading.  But – this is the life God created me for.  And that brings excitement, contentment, joy…and a little anticipation of where He will take me [and us, as I join Austin in marriage] next.  

Family Tradition

For Austin and me, one of the most interesting – sometimes comical, sometimes stressful – factors in our upcoming marriage is remembering and recognizing “where we came from”.  And boy, do we come from different places!

I’m grateful for it, really.  It keeps me on my toes.

This past weekend offered a preview of what happens when cultures collide and families combine to celebrate…as they will again very soon on our wedding day (just two months from yesterday…I can’t wait!).

On Saturday, Austin’s uncle and aunt graciously (and I mean graciously) hosted an extravagant cocktail party in Boston, KY in honor of our engagement and the engagement of Austin’s cousin Beth.  More than 100 people attended, coming and going… eating and drinking and playing music and drinking… it was an evening full of blessings.

Most of the attendees were Austin’s relatives (did I mention Austin’s mom is one of 11?) and family friends, but my best friend Megan was able to make it to the party with her fiancé…and MY PARENTS came down for it as well.  That’s right.  Both sets came to the bluegrass bash.  This thought has caused me anxiety for weeks.

Maybe I should thank the open bar, the chocolate martinis and homemade wine fountain (I told you, it was gracious and extravagant), but I am tickled to announce that all three of our sets of parents got along beautifully Saturday evening.  If anything, that back corner table occupied by my mom, stepmom, dad, stepdad, and Austin’s mother and father was laughing a little too loudly and drawing the attention of the rest of the crowd under the big white tent.

Heck, I’ll take it.  Considering the other possible alternatives.

I’m feeling a little sentimental at the moment and feel like I should throw a little shout-out “thank you” to my parents for being the kind of divorced parents who can do that from time to time… laugh and talk within the same group at the same table.  It hasn’t always been this way, and although I don’t foresee Mom and Jim double-dating with Dad and Carrie in the near future, I’m grateful that they’ve always been civil and actually pleasant towards each other at these gatherings.  Having a split-parent adolescence wasn’t ideal, but Kara and I have been spared the awkward (and painful) birthdays, graduations, and other “celebrations” that sometimes plague the kids of divorced parents.  And although you can have separate Christmases, we’ve only budgeted for one wedding reception (wheew).  So, thanks for keeping it classy guys!

Austin can testify – I was noticeably nervous inviting my “kin” down to the Bluegrass for a party with the future in-laws, extended family style.  Our immediate families had met before – no major disasters there – but never had I ever thought about introducing my parents to the whole new family before the wedding.

Why?  If I gave you a snapshot of my dad’s world, my mom’s world, and the world of the in-laws…you’d just laugh.

One of my greatest lessons in life over the past few years (especially since Austin) is the realization that – really, unless it’s biblically immoral – you can’t judge what’s really right or wrong, normal or weird when it comes to other people.  It’s all just “where I come from” and “how I like it” and “how my momma did it”.  Some things certainly sound crazy/strange/backwards.  But really, they are just different.  (Life lesson:  Have an open mind.  You’ll be a better person for it…and have a lot more fun.)

For example, the first time I went out to The Cabin (an old cabin lodge owned by Austin’s uncles with, oh, 60 or so mounted animals – from ducks to deer to beavers to “jungle cats” (as I call them)– on every square foot of each interior wall), all I could say was “well, this is different.”

My first instinct might have been RUN.  My second instinct – HIDE.  But, I suppressed these thoughts and pursued using my standard this-is-awkward strategy:  Smile and act like you belong here.  (Which, of course, I did belong there as Austin’s new girlfriend.)

It was visual stimulation overload at first, my brain was dizzy from my eyes continually scanning over the proud display of taxidermy trophies.  And then, I met the family.  More dizziness.   (I am thinking of patenting a Facebook-type software for in-laws to assist those of us who marry into ridiculously large families.  I have no other hope of getting all those names and faces matched up appropriately.)

Oh, the in-laws.  They’re loud.  But they’re friendly.  And they talk hunting, fishing, and other topics that leave me lost in the conversation, but genuinely interested and impressed by their passions (aka obsessions).  They like their alcohol.  And luckily they like girls with the ability to smile awkwardly for hours and hours.

In all honesty, Austin’s family has some of the coolest family traditions.  Sure, some of them I’ll never understand (like the walls-of-death that surround you when you’re inside The Cabin).  But sometimes I get twinges of “family envy” when we go to these types of parties.  Reason #1 – nearly every (or maybe every) one of Austin’s uncles and male cousins is a gifted guitar player and vocalist (and the women can sing beautifully too).  So, naturally, although I might feel completely out of my element when we enter The Cabin for a family function…I know that if I give it an hour or two, I’ll have a front row seat for a free concert.

But what I love most about Austin’s family is how close they are.   And, best of all, how closely they’ve pulled me in to become part of their tight-knit family.  I was a little resistant at first…a little smothered by this new type of contantly-in-contact-love.  But, I can now genuinely say that I’m grateful for it.  With my own family – who is just as loving, but unfortunately distant due to circumstance – hours away, it is a blessing to be adopted by this family.  Furthermore, Austin’s parents provide him and me both with a strong example of a Christian marriage.  And – I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – I really need that.

I’ve been all over the place with this blog posting, but that’s how my mind is operating these days…and probably will continue to do so until the Wedding.  You have been warned.

I just have to close by saying how ridiculously blessed I am in this moment.  Sure, I still have a few unmet longings – like a desire to spend more time with my own family (wedding planning makes me increasingly homesick for my parents… is that normal?), and a dream for a tight group of Christian girl friends here in KY like I had in college (I may have set the bar too high – could anything compare to our DG group?) – but God has certainly surrounded me with enough love and support to thrive in my new life.  It seems He always provides what we need to get through each season.  Somehow He just knows.

Picking Teams

(No.  This is not a blog about the Final Four game and ridiculous Kentucky vs. Louisville “civil war” that I live in the midst of.  Check any local – or national – news source for crazy stories like this.)

Believe it or not, this issue is a little deeper than a basketball game…but history has seen it be just as heated!

I’m a Christian and Catholic.  Christian by God’s saving grace.  Catholic by family tradition.  And, although I grew up – as many children do – having a kind of blind “mirror faith” that simply reflected the practices and beliefs of my Catholic parents, I’m a big kid now and I’m asking questions.  Searching for answers.  Wondering, sadly, am I allowed to be both?

I church-hopped a lot from 2005-2010, finally planting myself at St. Francis Xavier, a wonderful parish in Mt. Washington.  During that 5 year span during and after college, I explored various denominations – Baptist, Methodist, Disciples of Christ, non-denominational “mega churches” – searching for a place to call “home”.  A place where I could not just “go to church”, but get involved and grow in my faith, alongside others.

Throughout my denomination-hopping, I can say I’ve truly felt God’s presence in each faith community that I visited.  I’m open minded enough to be able to appreciate the unique traditions that each fellowship has to offer, and I still love hearing new applications of God’s word.  I loved comparing each service to how I grew up…sometimes being overly critical of my “home faith”, sometimes defending it to no end.

I like a lot about being Catholic.  I like that, on any given Sunday, I can call my mom in Ferdinand, IN and my sister at Purdue University and reference this week’s Gospel reading and they’ll know exactly the verses I’m talking about.  I like that, growing up Catholic, I can walk into a Catholic church in any city anywhere in the world and feel at peace, at home, and welcome…because (almost) everything is the same.  I’m a creature of habit and I find this type of continuity soothing, but routines can become – well – routine.  And a Catholic has to battle against the temptation of going on autopilot and mentally coasting through each Mass, checking it off the weekend to-do list.

It’s no secret that I dislike a few things about the Catholic Church too.  I dislike that, although any Catholic can walk into an unfamiliar Catholic church and feel at home, rarely do I hear non-Catholics describe the Mass as welcoming or inviting.  Peaceful, beautiful, reverent, interesting, confusing (stand up – sit down – stand up – shake hands – sit down), yes…but rarely inviting.  And – just my opinion – the Catholic Church seems to air a sort of country-club exclusivity, sometimes leaving other Christian brothers and sisters out just because they haven’t been through the Catholic sacraments.   (Am I really supposed to tell two of my bridesmaids that they are not welcome to take communion at my wedding because they aren’t Catholic?  Even though these two Christian women taught me how to pray, how to serve, how to walk with God during my college years… not to mention they take communion a lot more seriously than many Catholics that will be allowed to share in the Lord’s Supper at our wedding Mass.)   I dislike these things.  A lot.

But, more than anything, what I dislike is the pressure – from either side – to “pick a team”.  Are you Christian or Catholic?

It throws me off each time I tell someone I’m a Christian and they say “Oh, I thought you were Catholic.”  Hold on a minute.  Aren’t we all on the same team?

 

When I became a member of a nondenominational church a few years ago I heard:  I’m glad you’re happy in this new place, but I really hope you decide to come back to the Catholic Church and the Eucharist.  [implied: the church you’ve been going into isn’t a “real church” and this remembering and celebrating the Lord’s supper without an ordained priest isn’t “real communion”.  You are lost.  Come back home.]  It tore me up to hear this from my Catholic family, because I felt closer and more connected to God than ever… yet in their perspective I was losing my faith (and my mind!).

But from the “other side” I heard:  Oh, you’ve been raised Catholic.  Poor thing.  You’ve been praying to Mary all these years.  [I hadn’t been.]  You call yourself a Christian, but have you been baptized? … wait, you were baptized as an infant?  You might want to read what scripture says about that, check to see if it still counts…by the way, welcome to the real Body of Christ! (Alright, those words were never said, but it’s definitely the message I perceived while exploring the Protestant world.  And, actually, I did decide to be re-baptized at age 23…even though I’d like to believe my first baptism still “counted”.  It was a personal decision based on my own research and walk with God, and adult baptism seemed like the natural next step for me.  And I’m glad I did it!  …Baptism, and recommitting your life to God, is never something you regret.)

So what is with this division and distrust between denominations?  Is it simply fear of the unknown?  Not liking the way they do things because we don’t understand (or just because it’s not the way we’ve always done them)?  Or – is it a pride issue?  Do we Catholics think we are better than our Protestant brothers and sisters? Or vice versa?   I once heard it implied, by a priest actually, that Catholicism is an “upgrade” from the other Christian faiths.   “All Christians will go to heaven, but Catholics will arrive in a limousine” [or something to that effect… it’s been awhile].  I had to fight back anger when I heard that, especially considering this statement was said to someone considering joining the Catholic Church.  It was a huge turn off for her!  But I’ve decided to give him the benefit of the doubt:  It was just a joke, or – maybe this perceived arrogance is just a little healthy competition…just like I’ll always truly believe that Purdue University is the best college in the country, and every other school falls a few steps under its greatness (it’s true).  Still, competition that divides the body of Christ?  Is that healthy?

My idealistic hope is that, one day, we can all recognize that we are the same team — team BOC (Body of Christ)…and that’s what matters.  We’ve got some Catholics, we’ve got some Protestants.  We’ve also got some serious diversity in terms of age, race, and preferences.  Some of us like to get dolled up for church, some of us prefer to 7:00 Mass where it is socially acceptable not to shower beforehand.  Some of us like traditional hymns, some of us want to praise God with Christian rock songs.   Some of us choose to pray aloud the rosary to connect with God, some of us get on our knees and bow our heads and silently pray in our hearts, some of us have verbal conversations with God on our 40-minute commutes to and from work (it only appears that I’m talking to myself driving down the Gene Snyder.)

Does God care how we worship and connect to him?  Or what label we give ourselves and our denomination?  I don’t think so.  So why do we?

God wants genuine relationships.  Just like we do (which makes since we’re made in his image and all).  In fact – since I’m preoccupied with relationships as it is – I find it helpful to think about what I would expect in a loving relationship and try to give that to my Heavenly Father.  For me, that means good communication (speaking and listening), obedience (out of love), respect, etc.   And, if God has a female side (which he must, since I am made in His image as much as any man), he loves to be romanced too.  And – as a woman – I can tell you I don’t care if it’s a slow soulful love song or an upbeat fast song telling me how you feel about me.  Sing to me.  I love it.  As long as you mean it.  Just be genuine.  So, that’s how I worship.

I know that there are significant doctrinal differences between the Catholic and Protestant Church.  But the main idea?  (God so loved the world that He sent His perfect son Jesus to take on our sins and die so that we may be spared from eternal separation from God, and instead have eternal life with Him!)  That’s the same.  Let’s not let the little things drive us against each other, or let “saving each other” become priority over healing a broken world in need…seeking out the truly lost and broken and sharing our faith with them.

Ok, sorry, I’m getting preachy.

I guess as we approach Holy Week and the Easter season, my hope is that we can unite as Christians – with all of our imperfect denominations full of imperfect people – and celebrate our Savior.  Hopefully we can bring some light to our damaged world by showing them just how perfect and powerful God’s love is.

 

The Love Dare

I’m a sucker for relationships books.  I mean it – my home library is somewhat embarrassing.  I’ve got a bookcase devoted to The Five Love Languages, His Needs/Her Needs, Love and Respect, For Women Only (What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men)…just to name a few.  My only larger genre of books is the “singles” books I collected during my college years and early 20s.  Off the top of my head, we’ve got Finding a Man Worth Keeping, Boy Meets Girl, I Kissed Dating Goodbye (I read it. Great read! Not saying I followed its wisdom.)  I know, don’t judge. 

Austin calls my beloved collection of relationship books “change men books”.   I have to explain to him that – seriously, honestly – I have no desire to change men one bit!  At least not Austin – he’s as good as they come!  But, my gosh, what I wouldn’t give to understand how men think!  So I read, and I take notes (mental notes, of course…usually), and then I consult with my own personal man to see if the information is true.  And he might agree that what I’ve read is true, but usually he just rolls his eyes and says that men are simple.  And that I’m crazy.  All in love.

[Personal background/side note on why I’m so obsessed with understanding men especially when it comes to relationships:  My parents divorced when I was in middle school.  Divorces are rarely a positive experience, and my situation was no exception.   I wouldn’t call our divorce ugly (“our” because, in my experience, any issue that affects the parents encompasses the kids as well), but it wasn’t a walk in the park either.  At the time, the worst part about it all was that everything familiar crumbled and everything about the future became unknown , and – to a middle schooler already dealing with the horrors of adolescence – scary!  But the worst part about it all now is that I look back and don’t have very many “mom and dad memories”.  I can’t remember a thing about their marriage (which, considering the divorce, might not be a bad thing).  Furthermore, I grew up during those key learning-about-the-opposite-sex years with only my mother and sister.  Yes, my dad did what he could to be a great father, when I’d cool off enough to let him.  But, in my opinion, a child who misses out on seeing a husband and wife interact on a daily bases really misses out on a fundamental course in relationship education!  Mom and dad both remarried wonderful people down the road (I’ve got the world’s best step-parents, no doubt), but I was in college before I ever came home to see a marriage.    

So that’s why I’ve had some brutally honest freak-out moments during our engagement thinking “Wait!  I don’t know how to do this!” (important note:  not at all to be confused with “I don’t want to do this!”  I very very very much want to do this, and I’m excited to do this!  The perfectionist in me just wants to do this wife-thing well!)  I’m grateful Austin comes from a stable family, and I look up to his parents as role models for a healthy marriage.  And I read! 

So, in my defense, I read these books out of love.  Because I want to be a good wife to my husband.  And because – Lord knows – I have a LOT to learn!

Oh, have I mentioned I was recently hired as a “Healthy Marriage and Relationships Instructor”? Now that’s just plain humorous given what I just shared above. ]   

Back to the books.  Like I’ve said, I’ve read a LOT of relationships books in my 25 years…but none can compare to my current read: The Love Dare.  I’m not sure which came first, but it is connected to the Christian movie “Fireproof”, which I highly recommend!  Kirk Cameron is the star character, Growing Pains fans.  That should be enough to reel you in.

  

I’m currently trying to convince Austin that Love Dare is the opposite of a “change men” book.  This book is a 40-day challenge to love your spouse, as they are, teaching readers to understand and practice unconditional love.  Each chapter of the book is a day, each day comes with a 3-page devotional on a biblical component of love, and each day has a dare.     

I’ll be honest.  I’ve started the book 3 different times, unable to finish the dares in sequence.  Really, it’s not a book that you can just put down one day and start back up on Dare #27 three months later.  The dares build in complexity (although the first dare is by far the hardest), and the change of heart that comes from reading the book can only be experienced from reading each devotional and following each dare daily.

But I write this blog reporting good news!  Today I reached day 23!  I’m over the “hump” and officially further than I have ever been in The Dare.  Reading and completing Love Dare has been one of my Lenten promises this year, and most days it has been much harder to stick to than my other Lenten resolution: “no chocolate”.  Believe it or not.

More than anything, this journey has been a humbling one.  I’ll be honest.  I’ve enjoyed reading every daily devotional (even if they brought to light some truths about myself that I’d rather not admit).  But, I failed miserably at many of the initial dares.  For example…

Day One:  Love is Patient.   

Who could argue with that!  Love must be patient.  Austin has a heck of a lot of patience to deal with me.  And I’m pretty patient – I taught in a middle school for 4 years and I can count the times I “lost it” on two hands!  Nothing short of miraculous.  In fact, I was known for my patience back at Stuart Middle School.       

The Dare (copied from the book):  “The first part of this dare is fairly simple.  Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our heart.  For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all.  If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything.  It is better to hold your tongue than to say something you’ll regret.”    

Alright, nothing negative.  I’m a positive person.  I can do this, I thought.  I pumped myself up about the dare all day long, and when I came home from work I was… the most negative I’ve ever been!  OR, maybe I was the same way I’ve always been… or maybe I was a little better?   But I noticed every time I made a complaint, snide remark, or made a selfish request! (Doesn’t that sound better than ‘selfish demand’?  It’s not.)  The point is, even trying my hardest with all of my will-power, I realized a hard truth:  My heart is kind of ugly. 

And – not to spoil it for you – the book goes on, challenging the reader with more simple dares such as the one above.  Honestly, many of them are doable out of sheer determination and self-control, but all of them together – no human being could love the way this book demands.  And since every chapter, which begins with “Love is…”, is biblical… I’m getting the idea that this kind of love is what God expects of me as a wife.  And, it’s what Austin deserves!   

So what have I learned through all this?  Of course love is patient, kind, thoughtful, forgiving.  It lets the other win (say what!).  It is not irritable (Yep, I failed miserably on that dare too). 

True love is a lot of qualities that I don’t naturally possess.  The book guides readers to understand that, alone, we will never be able to love like this…not long term…not by determination alone.  I personally have no choice but to partner with God on this one.  For my own good, and for the good of my marriage.   

Perhaps the coolest thing about Love Dare is that, in its own sneaky way, it is a “change men” book.  Only, in this case, it is changing a woman.   More accurately, God is changing me.